there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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