Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
