She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
