he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
