She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
