Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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