the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
