I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
