if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
