Screwed.edu
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
