I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
