Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
