i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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