She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
