HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
