mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i now understand why vodka
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
