Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
