His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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