1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
