a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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