Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
