I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
