I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
