Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
