Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
