Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
