Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
