my mouth tastes like poor choices
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
