Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
zippers are such a cool invention
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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