Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
