the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
