Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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