We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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