Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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