If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
