Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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