She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
