i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
