So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
