so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
