just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
