You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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