my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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