Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
