i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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