i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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