i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Someone came in the potted fern
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
