I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
