dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
