you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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