I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
