so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
