i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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