I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
