I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
