just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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