there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
