Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
