I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize