Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
