he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
