Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
