Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
