Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize