i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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