I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize