two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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