Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
