im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
