perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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