i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
