I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
