the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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