so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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