my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
