I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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