You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girls should come with a carfax report
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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