Dude my mom stole all your condoms
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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