OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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