i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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