i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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