At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My life is pants optional.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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