I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
