take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
