Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
youre lurking in front of me
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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